Internet RP has been a hobby of mine since I was a kid. Unfortunately, I was a really bad kid. Just a heads up, this contains a lot of gross sex stuff (but in the cartoonish, immature kind of way). I’m not sure why I was like this other than when Facebook came along, I think I resented how it seemed to affect my forum RPs, so I came into it kind of aggro. Admittedly, the targets of my bad RP are undeserving, this is just a memoir – a very problematic one.

I entered the Facebook RPing community as a dumb kid, I think with my Castlevania OC. This character type eventually lead me to meet a character who called herself/had a display name of ‘KylieWilliams QueenOfVampires’. I was stricken by this claim, the fact she used pictures of random real women or Vampire Wars avatars for her character, as well as how she roleplayed in first person which I had never seen before. Though she was very uppity and mean IC (usually posting hostile starters where she always bared her blood covered fangs and tried to degrade the character she was approaching) she had a lot of adoring partners and random storylines and I somehow ingratiated myself into her clique and learned their group dynamics.

Then, I made a copy of her Facebook profile and added all her friends; claiming ‘my old’ (her) profile had been hacked and asked all her friends to report it, which they did. I was surprised this worked, the fake profile was a pretty good copy but my email for it was visible; it was something stupid like ‘ilovetoroleplayinfirstperson@yahoo.com’. Well, the real Kylie’s profile got taken down since FB was pretty strict on fake profiles at the time but she came back with a vengeance. When she returned, she was KylieWilliams GoddessOfVampires. At first I convinced everyone my fake Queen!Kylie was real, citing that ‘claiming to be the goddess of vampires is just stupid’. Everyone agreed but this was never addressed once they were on her side again, LOL. We duked it out for a while trying to convince everyone who was the ‘real’ Kylie and from my actual character profile I vouched for the real one which gained me more trust. Eventually, everyone was convinced of Goddess!Kylie’s veracity. I got a lot of reports on my Kylie profile but somehow it never got taken down.

But then I got Goddess!Kylie’s account banned. I jumped on the opportunity that this vacuum provided, and made my own KylieWilliams GoddessOfVampires profile (with a very similar email, something like iREALLYlovefirstperson@yahoo.com). By that time I was pretty good at impersonating her and this time I had my real character side with this Kylie and the whole group - including her in character husband, who set his relationship status to be married with my Kylie - followed suit. I wasn’t satisfied with this, though, I was high off of the chaos and I needed to wreak more havoc to feed my addiction.

Here’s where the bad RP shines: I approached her in game nemesis, Lucian, with romantic intent. Lucian was stunned but despite having an in character beau already, reciprocated. He initiated RP sex, which I indulged him in, but I kept doing ridiculous things and insisted on calling it his ‘wiener’. He asked me to use other words but I convinced him that one was my favorite and it turned me on. He got a tiny bit suspicious of me at this point and asked me to reconfirm I was the real Kylie, to which I was basically like ‘trust me bro’ which was good enough for him. I REALLY tried pushing it though, at the climax of the encounter I wrote something gross like ‘gets SOOOOOO turned on I cum on your wiener, your couch, the floor, your wiener, your shirt, the ceiling, your wiener, your TV, your stomach, your balls, your wiener, the rug, your pants, your wiener, the pile of clothes on the floor, the walls, the carpet, your wiener, your wiener, and especially your wiener’. To my surprise, Lucian responded to this by saying ‘(whoa! You’re trying to get me turned on IRL aren’t you?? ;) )’. After this illicit encounter, Lucian reminded me I was not to tell anyone of what just transpired.

I posted those screenshots all over the place; I made them my profile picture, my fake Kylie’s profile picture, I posted them on all our mutual’s walls and DMed them to his in character girlfriend. Kylie’s IC husband was extremely confused too at first. Lucian tried to cover his ass by saying that scene was meant to be ‘non canon’ but his IC girlfriend still dumped him. However, my cover was blown and Kylie’s new, real profile which had gone ignored during this time finally got her friends back (including my actual character). She also finally managed to get my fake profiles deleted, likely for the explicit text in the profile pictures.

I decided the best way to confuse everyone (who were much more wary of adding random Kylies) was with sheer numbers and to keep getting her profiles taken down. Her and I probably made something like 20 Kylie profiles each, all getting a random division of the various friends. When they’d add me, I’d change my picture to the same Vampire Wars Kylie picture but this time edited in paint with white splotches all over her and would parody her aggressive starters to people in which she’d (again, gross warning) bare her teeth to show them her ‘semen covered fangs’. I ALSO managed to once again seduce Lucian who was at first relieved to find ‘the real Kylie’ and after some necking, I seductively told ‘my’ nemesis there was something about him other than his impressive power that I admired. When he asked what this was, I said YOUR BIG, HARD WIENER and he blocked me.

There were some attempts to explain these impersonations in character or to make a story of them but everyone was tired of dealing with them/didn’t want to RP that. Finally, instead of a new profile she made a ‘page’ for Kylie Williams, Goddess of Vampires. For some reason I couldn’t replicate this but I did manage to get it taken down by saying she was impersonating some Australian beauty queen. After that, I think she blocked me or maybe just didn’t try again but the whole RP fizzled out. I tried to see if any of the Kylie army still existed but couldn’t find any.

Hope I didn’t make your wiener too hard IRL.